I never realized what a toll that writing would take on me mentally. I am currently working on two stories and some assorted poetry. It takes an emotional drain, that's for sure. I have bared my soul in some of the pages and recollected a lot of feelings and events that I never thought would rise to the surface. I have also had to do a lot of soul-searching on my writing journey. It has forced me to come to accept a lot of things about myself. It has been cathartic, to say the least. I am so grateful for the support I've gotten during this time as I have been taking a lot of time to reflect on my personal life. I have been taking more moments of solitude than I thought I would need and it's to the detriment of the life that continues around me. Some of the greatest writers of our age were off their rockers, Sylvia Plath, Stephen King, (With all due respect!),etc. At least I know that I fit in some capacity when it comes to my mental state. I have had to dig deep beneath my roots to pull out all these feelings, just bleeding it out onto the paper. I don't know if it is a structural or an accurate way of writing but, I don't really have outlines. I have not been planning the fate of characters, I have just been writing things down as they come to me. I have always been of the spontaneous spirit, impulsive, compulsive, and obsessive. I hope that whenever I do finally open myself up to the world with my writing, that it can have some sort of positive impact. The subject matter is very intense, but I wouldn't be who I am if I produced anything less than that. My writing is also not for the small-minded, it takes a lot of acceptance and also some grit to get through these pages forthcoming. I know, I've had to read and re-read these pages over and over, editing, rewriting, scrapping, and chucking a lot too. This is definitely an experience. 

Writing more than just sex scenes can be difficult!

Female Protagonist has a psycho ex-boyfriend and was just in a car accident. :o

   I hate having to throw the wrenches in there, but I need the story to progress.
It can't all be just word porn, unfortunately. But I am building stories that I'm proud to call my own. I just love the writing process. I'm becoming more familiar with some structural stuff and I have a bit of editing to do before I'm ready to test run anything. I hope I can say "I'm finished" maybe a month or two from now. Honestly, I'm not sure where my characters are headed. I'm writing as I go. This is all spur-of-the-moment writing, it's what I do best. Like my manic episodes, it's impulsive, obsessive, sleep-disturbing, compulsive writing. I do my research too. I just love the positive and cathartic outlet that writing has given me. I hope that whatever happens, at least I can say I tried.

Writing Update

I currently have two works in progress.

One story is 10 pages long so far and has a count of 14,591 words.

The other is 119 pages long and has a count of 60,417 words.

I'm not sure if I get any visits on my blog but to those of you who stumble upon it, I'm making progress. 😊

Thoughts as I'm writing...

I dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing, to cry while reading my story's prologue. It hits really close to home for me. Taking something that happened but making the outcome darker in fiction than reality. The pain is real, but it's also cathartic in a way too. I intended to base the female protagonist on myself and I just keep writing. In a way I'm rewriting her history. Giving her an alternate ending than the one I had. My conclusion is a happy one, but hers is still being figured out. 

Writing in Progress

Hello Readers,
    I know that this post will not be related to the reading of books but I just wanted to catch a feeling of what you all might think about me writing a book. It would be more appropriate to call it a novella. I have started writing, my mind just bleeding out onto the pages. It is a story I have been sitting on for years. Taking some private elements from some of my life experiences, and creating a fictional story. It is a book geared toward an eighteen and up audience, as it's very sexually explicit with themes that are not for the weak-hearted. I am very excited because I have always loved to write but, I never mustered the courage to put my ideas into a full project. I just wrote for enjoyment. Poetry mostly. There were some stories I wrote back in high school and college that got lost among my entire life's worth of possessions years ago. I am starting anew. With a trusty Chromebook, lots of pens and notebooks at my disposal now, I am writing furiously, re-reading everything, tweaking, and adding in more dialogue and backstory as I go. I am not sure when it will be complete, but I ask if you think you can take this trip with me, and join me and my characters, I would love some readers and feedback. I am anxious to know whether or not I have the talent and promise to keep writing. I would love any feedback on this post, as well as my writing once it's completed. I can answer any questions you may have, as well as give you a more detailed synopsis.

Sincerely,
April Rose

The Pretty Little Dolls Series by Ker Dukey and K. Webster

**Possible Spoiler Alert**
    Ker Dukey and K. Webster come together to create an amazingly twisted tale. I only wish there were more authors willing to dip their pens in the ink of twisted, macabre, and perverted storytelling.
     I bought the first Pretty Little Dolls book for a deal on Bookbub (99 cents!). Once I got through the first book, I was able to read Book 2 as a free kindle free library book. I read my way to Book 3, and I finally caved and enabled the 2 months of kindle unlimited trial, just to finish the series (Book 4).
     This is the final chapter in the Pretty Little Dolls series. To say that this series is fucked up would be an understatement. I found myself diving into and absorbing the debauchery, just enthralled by the antagonists, Benny "Benjamin" and Viktor. I consider myself a gore-hound but, I found myself questioning my sanity while reading it. I would not recommend the series to anyone squeamish or easily triggered as there are scenes of violent rape, kidnapping, and torture. It's like Marquis de Sade meets an X-rated version of Chicago PD or Law & Order SVU.
     I rooted for the good guys in book 1. Slowly, I let my deeper, darker hopes for the antagonists take root. Benny is unlike any character I've read about. It was exciting to read the story from He, Viktor, and Elizabeth's viewpoint. All in all, I really just wanted everyone to have a happy ending. Psychotic individuals deserve love too. I would recommend this book to anyone itching to delve deep into madness never before ventured, at least not that I know of.
     I hope to start reading The V Games spinoff, and I will be reading more Ker Dukey and K. Webster novels, I am sure of that!
    To the authors, I say: "Thank you for this story, thank you for the characters, and thank you for not being afraid to venture into the dark side of erotic thriller romance."

The Quickie by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge

     I have been on a roll,. reading crime novels... I had this one sitting idly on my blog ole' stack of books. I just finished reading Hannibal and started 'The Quickie' right off. I just completed it this afternoon. This was my first Patterson book and it did not disappoint. I went into this book blindly, knowing that Patterson is a crime writer, but not really knowing what I was going to be reading. The cover art and title sounded sexy to me, and what's better than reading a sexy thriller?
     'The Quickie' jumps right in with our female protagonist Lauren Stillwell, an NYC homicide detective, off to surprise her husband at work. She spots him, unbeknownst to him, in the company of a younger blonde headed toward a hotel. Stillwell comes to the abrupt assumption that her husband is cheating on her.
     Riddled with angst over her husband's infidelity, she chances a spur of the moment affair with a coworker she had innocently flirted with until now. She has no idea of the consequences and secrets that lie ahead.
     I think 'The Quickie' was well written, packed with action, intrigue, and twists you won't see coming until the book's conclusion. I think this has been a good introduction to James Patterson's writing and I look forward to reading more.
   
   
   

June 2020 Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I go through lulls and periods when I have no motivation, I'm sure we all do. While I have been reading a bit since this pandemic began; I've been setting aside my crochet and sewing in favor of baking, cooking, and reading. I am reading older releases as well as some newer novels. I tend to take up to a week with each, depending on the length. I hope whoever reads this enjoys my reviews.

'Hannibal' By Thomas Harris

Spoiler Alert! If you've seen the films and not read Thomas Harris' Hannibal series, I encourage you to skip this review altogether and read these books. They vary greatly from the films; and while they remain some of my favorite films and characters, you get so much more detail, so much more Hannibal. (The morbid fascination I have with serial killers, fictional and real is perplexing to even ME!)

Anyway, some elements were changed in the films to better suit a wide audience. I, being a gore-hound and horror fanatic enjoyed both the films and books. I previously read 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'Red Dragon' prior to 'Hannibal' and cannot recommend them enough. Now that you have been forwarned, here is my review of 'Hannibal' by Thomas Harris.

 I really enjoyed 'Hannibal'. It was much more detailed than the film, as it usually goes. Harris painted a beautiful scape to accompany the characters. From 'Silence of the Lambs' to 'Hannibal's conclusion, you get a slow burn of the development of affection and subtle rapport between Hannibal and Clarice. I was pleasantly surprised by the ending and wish we could have had more of a view into their relationship. I was hopeful that the "lamb" would fall prey to the "lion" in the most intimate sense. That must be the dark romantic in me. I tend to hope for a "Beauty and the Beast" type of underlying plot. 

Baby Teeth

The long-awaited Baby Teeth by Zoje Stage was released on 7/17 by St. Martin's press. As I'd posted on my facebook and twitter accounts, I'd heard the book buzz and was anxious to read it months before it's release. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get an ARC but, I was able to read the first ten chapters on Amazon Kindle (for free, I might add) thank you, Amazon! That week between reading the first ten chapters and getting the call the day of its release, to pick up a copy from the library was just straight up nerve-wracking. Prior to reading the first ten chapters, I was not wanting to wait for this book you guys. I had searched and requested all over for an ARC, most people wanted upwards of over $30 for these rare copies. Me being the frugal lady I am, I waited on pins and needles. I was first on the list to receive Baby Teeth and I picked it up that day and I hated having to put it down to do mom-things. Grrr.

Ok, on to the review...

Baby Teeth is Zoje Stage's first novel, and I pray it won't be her last.
Zoje Stage has an awesome writing skill, gripping you from page one. I have read books by many authors who pump out the same drivel, each book providing similar twists and turns so there's no real excitement. With this book, you get it all. Excitement, drama, suspense, horror. It's a story told between two narratives, a mother named Suzette, and her child Hanna.

Hanna doesn't like Mommy. Hanna tests Mommy's love for her and Hanna has a plight, to make Mommy go away forever.

You question motives both of mother and daughter, you question yourself (especially if you're a parent, I myself am), and the innocence of its characters. Do these behaviors warrant the reactions they get? What would I do in this situation? Is this behavior reason enough to firmly discipline a child? Not to sound conceited, but I did think a lot of this book personally. As a parent, Baby Teeth has that ability. To make you feel for Hanna, and to question Suzette's capability as a nurturer. Hanna is a child so it would make sense that we would feel for her in her moments of innocence. Then Stage turns the tables on you, makes you think the opposite is true. Baby Teeth also caters to the mother's intuitive side, because no parent wants to think their child could be evil. Furthermore, no one wants to believe their child could detest them so much that the child would do anything to rid themselves of you.

It is a deeply twisted and heartbreaking story. As a mom, I felt it sat with me a lot more than if I were a twenty-something, single, childless woman. So I felt Baby Teeth was directed at a certain audience. It plays on your emotions, you don't know if its right to feel the way you towards a particular character. It instills guilt in you for the reactions you get to the story, either good or bad. I felt the writing was done very well, there weren't many typos, which I cannot stand. And the story itself is immensely thought-provoking and gut-wrenchingly intense. I'm hoping for a continuation of Hanna and Suzette's story. I enjoyed Baby Teeth so much, it lived up to all the hype, and with books, it's either hit or miss. Definitely worth reading if you like your stories on the more disturbing side. Think The Omen meets We Need to Talk About Kevin. It stayed with me long after I'd closed the book for the final time.

 

Sadie by Courtney Summers

Sadie is a YA novel written by Courtney Summers. It is set to e released in September of this year. This review was written after reading an ARC sent to me by Macmillan Publishers.

When Sadie’s sister Maddie is found dead, it sets off a series of events: A road trip, uncovering secrets, but also, asking more questions than it answers. I really enjoyed this book, slowly the adrenaline just kicks you into gear and you’re rushing through the book to finish. It’s a murder-mystery, tangled with lies, family dysfunction, and vengeance. Told between podcasts and the perspective of its main character, it’s a different style of writing, written especially for this generation’s teens. You feel so deeply for Sadie, and the people she meets along the way. The story is fast-paced and keeps you thoroughly engaged. (I didn’t want to put it down!) Sadie is a well written, real character you root for through the entirety of the book. It’s such a sad chain of events, you don’t really know what to expect, but you hope against all hope that Sadie makes it out alive.

Hangman By Jack Heath A Review

Hangman is a June 2018 novel by Jack Heath. It has been described as "Dexter meets Hannibal", so immediately it caught my attention. I first heard of Hangman online, as I usually do. I am always on the lookout for outside-the-box-stories. I ate up this book! It was never boring, it kept me engaged, and left me wanting more.

The book was called "gruesome". I only found one scene in particular cringe-worthy, and it was towards the end of the book. Each chapter begins with, for me, an almost always unsolvable riddle that has a direct correlation to the story. It was infuriating not knowing the answers to the riddles. I'll have to look it up on Heath's webpage, Jackheath.com.au. From such a young author, I was pleased with how much research went into writing this book. Overall, the book was enjoyable and kept you literally guessing as to what would happen next.

The story follows Timothy Blake, a cannibal with a photographic memory, called in by the FBI to be an informant on unsolvable cases. In this case, it is the kidnapping of a 14-year-old boy. The book keeps you guessing, as you're not sure if the kidnappings are related. Blake is not your average run-of-the-mill pseudo detective. He's smart. He can read people. Because of his cannibalistic tendencies, he can think like a perp, which only makes him more of an asset. As a non-typical cannibal, he valiantly attempts to suppress his urges, only cannibalizing death row victims. This occupation earns him the nickname Hangman, hence the title. A gift of a meal for cases solved.

I found it hard not to have sympathy for Blake's character, as flawed as he is. A cannibal, a thief, and a killer. The word sociopath never entered my mind, he's a victim of circumstance. Heath did a wonderful job of humanizing a character we as readers are supposed to be repulsed by. I just wanted things to turn out well, as I'm sure most people do when they hear of someone being dealt a rough hand in life. Blake is simply just a survivor.

 The supporting characters in the book were well developed too. They were easy to distinguish and most were given pretty thorough development, enough to make you care about what happens to them. I hope some of them make a return!

 Yes, there's going to be a sequel! I was thrilled when I read that in the acknowledgments. I greatly enjoyed this book. This was my first Jack Heath book, and I was pleasantly surprised. Heath has so much talent for someone so young, he's definitely an author to follow. I'm very excited to see what Heath dishes up next for Timothy Blake.

HBO's Sharp Objects: Episode 1 (spoiler alert)

*Spoilers Ahead*

A Note of Caution,
Please be aware that the show HBO's Sharp Objects contains sensitive subject matter dealing with substance abuse and self-injury. It could be potentially triggering to people dealing with these issues or those in recovery. Please read this review only if you are comfortable.

Thank You,
April M.


Last night was the premiere of the cable television adaptation of Sharp Objects. Directed by Jean-Marc Vallée, Emmy-winner for Big Little Lies, another HBO widely praised success from Liane Moriarty's novel of the same name.

Sharp Objects was the debut novel written by Gillian Flynn in 2006. Flynn's other recognized works that were adapted for the big screen, were the widely known Gone Girl and Dark Places.

Sharp Objects follows Camille Preaker brought to life by the talented Amy Adams, a reporter who reluctantly returns to her hometown of Wind Gap, Missouri in search of answers surrounding the disappearance and murders of two local girls. The director paints a gritty image of life in a small town and gives glimpses of the lives of its patrons during a horrible tragedy. The first episode is a slow burn (very reminiscent of True Detective), laced with disturbing, emotionally heart-wrenching flashbacks. It is a deep-rooted story driven by its flashbacks and the downward spiral of its main character. The audience is given glimpses of Camille's past, presently she is obviously suffering some sort of post-traumatic event so you're wondering "Ok, what happened between then and now?"

The episode tackles the issues of alcoholism, self-injury, familial dysfunction, and personal loss. Camille is a friendly but also a very isolated character, haunted in appearance, and suffering from severe alcoholism. It is later shown that Camille is also a self-injurer by way of cutting, although the act is not yet shown. She is covered in an abundance of scars, almost all of which are words. We as an audience have yet to learn why this is. I felt the visual depiction of the scarring was done mildly, contrasting the book's imagery a bit. I felt it was done purposefully, as to reduce the shock value, but visible enough to make it an alarming revelation. On her car, on the walls, carved into a desk, and into her skin-- words are strategically placed throughout the episode. All of the words are seemingly self-deprecating so you're left wondering, "What trauma did she suffer in her adolescence?" Her mother is a Stepford-type, she shrouds herself from the outside world by avoiding it. She suffers from trichotillomania, a compulsive behavior where the person pulls out their hair. This is done during times of stress. Camille's half-sister, Amma, is a rebellious teen. We see she's estranged from Camille having not grown up with her, but seems to find kismet with Camille because of her rebellious nature. Another character of note is the big city Detective Richard Willis played by The Mindy Project alum Chris Messina. First meeting during the missing persons search,  he tries to get to know the guarded Camille. Later on, her (and some other townspeople's) discovery of the dead girl drives their investigation forward from missing girl to potentially serial homicide and they are at odds when they try to gather information from each other's separate investigations.

All in all, while the story is slow paced, it is very well acted. The flashbacks are really what drives the story forward and keeps you emotionally invested. The whodunit aspect and Camille's personal story are enough to give the series a watch. Anxious to see how the past and present collide in what will be a dark and twisted journey. I'm curious to see how the series measures up to the book. Having read the book maybe 6 years ago, I'm not as refreshed to the book's content as if I had recently read it. From what I can remember, the characters in the show seem well rehearsed to their book counterparts. The director's view of Wind Gap and its townspeople is pretty accurate. The overall sense of foreboding is evident. Adams brings Camille's character to life with great skill, really driving forward the emotional turmoil of her character. There's so much depth to her character, without there being much dialogue and there's still so much more of her story to tell. I'm curious to see where the story and its characters evolve from its pilot.

*On a sub note, I'd like to thank HBO for including post-credits, the hotline for the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) 1-800-662-HELP (4357).  Respectably, HBO is also working with NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the country's leading mental health advocacy organization, and Shatterproof, a non-profit working with families affected by substance abuse. This was a very respectable card to add to the end of a potentially triggering show to those who have suffered (and are currently suffering) with substance abuse and self-harm. I felt that the show depicted the self-abuse struggles of its main characters in an honest way. Still, to some, it could be triggering so I recommend to watch it with someone and please be aware, it may not be suitable for everyone.

A Review of Bring Me Back by B.A. Paris

Bring Me Back, a new addition to the thriller genre, was released on 6.19.18 by St. Martin’s Press. This was written by B.A. Paris, whose more recognized works are The Breakdown and Behind Closed Doors. I have not yet read The Breakdown or Behind Closed Doors yet, but they are on my bookshelf. I enjoyed this book. Bring Me Back is a quick read with a twist ending you don’t see coming.

We begin in France with a couple driving back to the UK from holiday. Finn and Layla are at a truck stop, when Layla disappears. Fast forward twelve years: Layla is still missing, and Finn has moved on, or so he thinks.

Finn is a character with many faces. His inner battles with anger entwine with his obsession with Layla’s disappearance and the face he tries to wear for his new fiancée, Ellen. Ellen is a seemingly quiet, albeit spacey character. She never really questions the nature of her fiancé, which I find odd. During the course of reading the book, I felt she was a slightly underdeveloped character. After I finished, I decided that this was done with purpose instead of being an oversight. So she is more a mystery to the reader than someone with a complete lack of personality. Layla is an intense and capricious character; she has a penchant for the dramatic, which counterbalances Finn’s face of calm and certainty. She is also Ellen’s polar opposite.

This novel goes back and forth between characters but is easy to follow. I was grateful for this when I was reading. It was refreshing to only have to focus on a couple of different viewpoints. Bring Me Back has well-developed main characters, an articulate description of the location, and enough twists and turns to keep you guessing as to what’s really going on. I felt the ending needed a bit more. This story is about the lies we tell ourselves, the secrets we keep from our loved ones, and begs the question: "How well do you really know the person you claim to love?"

I want to say a special "Thank You!" to St. Martin’s Press and B.A. Paris for giving me the opportunity to read and review this book. I look forward to seeing what Paris puts out next. I also wanted to mention that St. Martin’s Press went above and beyond with their outreach. I also happened to receive a little trinket as thanks for my review.

Let's get real here. As someone who is relatively new to writing reviews in a somewhat professional manner, I am learning more about what I should be doing as a reader. One thing I am learning right now is that I need to take notes. I would recommend all readers do the same. I have a horrible memory. I am currently writing a review, and I am struggling to recollect little things in the story, granted I read it a month ago. Thankfully, I still have the book in my possession, so I can go back and skim to refresh my memory. Also, I need a proofreader. I am in no way a good writer. I am doing my best, and I really hope it doesn't drive readers away. Also, I would love some constructive criticism! I saw that I had views on my posts, but no comments. I need to know what I should improve on. Thank you everyone, for reading my rambling posts!

Let Me Know

One of the great things about being a book lover, is that I get to share my love of books and  recommendations with others. I would love it if readers shared some of their favorites with me. :)

Encourage others to read, it is the best gift you can give!

I've heard time and time again from various people, "Oh, I don't read" or "I don't like to read". When someone says this, I'm taken aback because I love books so much. Now, if someone says to me, "I haven't read... this or that", I'll be the first one to butt in and recommend something. I may be biased because my love of reading started at a very young age. I can remember spending so much time in my elementary school's library, talking with the libararian about different books and asking her to help me find just the right ones. During my primary school years, I ate up each required reading like I couldn't get enough and I remember each book to this day. The Tripod Trilogy by Johnathan Christopher, The Secret of Nimh, Where the Red Fern Grows to name a few.  Our local public library was massive and I remember spending hours upon hours, looking up books, spending most of my free time in the Teen Section of The Sachem Public Library. Anne of Green Gables is a personal favorite. As is the Vampire Kisses series by Ellen Schreiber (You can tell I'm coming into my own as a goth). At age 15, we'd moved to another district; along with that, another library, The Mastic Moriches Shirley Community Library. I cannot go into enough detail about this library, it was huge and by far one of my favorite places in town. I got tutored in math there, and I would sneak off to find more books to bring home. I would then branch into adult books like murder mysteries. Dracula, Frankenstein, Maus, Halloween, The Diary of Anne Frank, books on WWII... Still, I never was allowed to read The Silence of the Lambs... Anyway, I would also make sure to enroll that summer for their summer reading program. They were so much fun! Back then, a lot more kids and teens read than they do now. I find it really sad that a lot of teens this day in age go to the library for its computers and not for its vast array of books.
The best job I'd ever gotten was when I was 18. I applied to work at a Barnes & Noble. I would say it would be a reader's dream come true. I read, and drank espresso laced drinks on my breaks. I shamelessly gave unsolicited book recommendations from my place at the cafe register. Oh, no I wasn't on the book floor but you can bet I went to work early, came home late, and I attended and helped out at the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

A lot has happened since then.

I have moved since then, to another town, with a much smaller library. Thankfully the Library System it's a part of is huge as well, so finding books is simple, just type, click, reserve, and pick up. The invention of e-readers was also an awesome thing to happen to me! I remember the day I got my first Kindle. A whole world so much more easily accessible to me appeared. I have since upgraded to the paperwhite. I use websites like bookbub to get emails for daily book deals and keep up with new releases.

Reading opens up a whole world you can't even imagine. It makes you think, shapes who you become as an adult. As a mom, I am always encouraging my kids to read instead of watch TV, to go to the library, I even recommend past books I've read to my 9 year old. If you're not a reader I'm sorry to say you're missing so much. There are lives to live and places to explore if you only turn the page. I for one will be reading until the day I go blind, then it's braille or audiobooks for me. I can only hope that the future generations come back to practice reading as a hobby. In the age of snapchat and Instagram, anyone can post, anyone can blog, but those who do so to spread the word about books and their love of reading well, those are my kind of people.

A Little Intro

Hello!

If you're reading this intro, you've either clicked on a link I've posted (Thank You) or stumbled upon my blog by accident. Either way, welcome. My name is April. I live in NNY with my husband, two kids, puggle, and long-haired tortie. I'm currently a stay at home Mom (who tries to get out as much as possible, to keep my sanity). My favorite pastimes are reading, writing, creating art, and going to Zumba classes. From a young age, I've always loved reading. Everything from thrillers to romance, and everything in between. I created this blog so that I could go more in-depth with my reviews. I currently use goodreads.com and facebook.com as my main platforms for expressing opinions on books I'm currently reading. This new platform should give me a wider range and (fingers-crossed) a larger audience. I am looking forward to sharing my reviews, rants, and raves with all of you!